Best ways to confront someone

Posted By | April 6, 2017 12:32 pm

Brian’s Biblical Minute, By Brian McCutchen

Confronting people isn’t so easy. A lot could go wrong. Trying to say the right words at the right time can be a difficult task, especially if the critic is on the defense or doesn’t believe he/she has done or said anything wrong. There is the expression“like it or lump it,” meaning, one can deal with it or agonize through it. President Harry S. Truman was credited for saying, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen,” meaning, if you can’t handle the task, get out.

Jesus had to confront two of his disciples during and after the Last Supper. The first was Judas. He was a money-grubbing kind of guy. His actions before the supper demonstrated that he would do anything to get rich, even if it meant to sell out a friendship with a man he knew was the Son of God. Judas was selfish – like it or lump it kind of guy. A conniving fraud that made it look as if he was really into the whole discipleship idea. He was a liar. He was a pretender. He was a con man.

The second disciple Jesus had to confront was Peter. It was after the supper when Jesus told his disciples, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me….” Matthew 26:31. Peter became argumentative by saying, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.” Matthew 26:33. In the moment, Peter believed it. He wanted to believe it. He was determined to get Jesus to believe his ability to “stand the heat!” But, when Peter is left alone and was tested in his true loyalty to Jesus, the Son of God, he had to “get out of the kitchen.” Peter failed. Peter cursed and swore that he didn’t even know Jesus. The once determined disciple has now become the reality of Jesus’ prediction.

Confronting can be painful and exhausting. Jesus proves that confronting isn’t easy, especially with people who will not listen or lie or think they know more than Jesus does. Confronting is necessary and will ultimately reveal the real truth. When the truth is revealed, that, too, can be painful, as it was for Jesus, but again, it is necessary to get it out in the open.

For me, I totally dislike confrontation. Those who know me may have a hard time believing that I struggle with confronting others, but it is true. I know how difficult it can be and am afraid at times of the reaction from the person being confronted. However, it is important to remember the motive, goals and desired outcomes when dealing with sensitive issues.

Jesus’ model for confronting was to simply put it all out in the open and deal with it head-on. He never sugarcoated anything for the sake of not offending the one being confronted. However, he was not rude nor was he hateful. When he confronted Judas and Peter, he was calm, gentle, and sensitive. He never said hateful and demeaning comments, nor did he belittle anyone. Rather, he stated the facts and dealt with the problems with an open and honest heart and attitude.

In order for our homes, churches, communities and government to be a better place, we have to learn to sit down and deal with our differences with an honest and open heart and attitude. The Bible is full of ways to deal with difficult people and situations. The key is applying them with a desire for a positive outcome. It is true, not all outcomes will be positive, but at least the issues were dealt with and the motives were right.

Best ways to confront someone God’s way:

#1. “Get rid of ALL bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice” Ephesians 4:31

#2. If your brother or sister sins against you, go and show him/her faults, just between the two of you….” Matthew 18:15a

#3. Make every effort to live in peace with all men….” Hebrews 12:14

#4. “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

As we confront, ensure that the heart is right, the motive is right, and the desired outcome is right. We represent Jesus and to stray from his way of dealing with people will be disastrous.


Be God Controlled!

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