Valerie Norris is a resident of White County, and now she is also an author. While looking to find a way to heal from an unfathomable tragedy for most people, Norris has found a way to help others and, in doing so, find peace for herself.
“In my search for a way to survive the loss of my son, Noah, to suicide, I finally found a place just for moms who have lived this same nightmare,” Norris said as she shared the heartbreak she has been living with for the past two-plus years. “It has helped tremendously to meet other women like me. Just normal moms who loved their children more than anything and would have done anything to save them, who can’t help but blame themselves and wonder what they could have done different, and who are trying to pick up the pieces of their shattered hearts and lives and somehow carry on.”
The place Norris found was an online community created by Melissa Bottorff-Arey, a mom who is also struggling with the loss of a son to suicide. Theleftoverpieces.com offers support groups, podcasts, and a variety of resources centered around the very complicated grief associated with losing a child to suicide.
“Melissa is amazing,” Norris said. “She is helping so many moms find some comfort after such a traumatic loss.”
One of those ways is by creating the Legacy Project, which Norris participated in.
“As moms, we all want more than anything for our child to never be forgotten and somehow to live on, even though they are no longer here with us,” Norris explained.
She said her desire is to have Noah continue to be loved and remembered and be a part of not only her everyday life but also by those whose lives he can continue to touch and enrich.
“The Legacy Project allows us to put our child’s story out into the world so that others can still get to know them a little bit, so that we can tell the whole world just how much our child meant to us and how much they were, are, and always will be loved,” Norris said.
The result was the publication of a book, Because They Lived, in which Norris and other moms share their children with readers so that they can live on, not just for their mothers and families but also as a testament to others who may be struggling with their mental health.
“Through telling our stories in this book, we hope that anyone struggling with their mental health or having thoughts of suicide might see just how much their loved ones will miss them if they choose to leave,” Norris said.
She continued, “I’m so blessed to have found this website and these new friends and to have been able to write about my precious son. It was very hard, but, by remembering his life and sharing some of those memories, I have found a great deal of healing.”
Norris said that before participating in the Legacy Project she wasn’t able to talk about her son, even in sharing memories with her own family, without breaking down at the mention of his name. However, through her work on the project and the support she has found through the community at theleftoverpieces.com, that has changed. Now, she can focus on how thankful she is for the time she had with Noah instead of focusing only on the pain of not having him with her any more.
“I’m finally beginning to learn how to walk beside my grief as I navigate life instead of it consuming me,” she explained. “Grief is a permanent part of me now. I will always ache for my son, but I’m trying to find hope for the future and be a good mom for my daughter as I’m slowly picking up the pieces of my broken heart and figuring out how they fit together now.”
Norris hopes that through her writing in Because They Lived, more people will get to know Noah, will experience the joy he brought to those who knew him while he was here on earth, and will find healing for themselves whether they experienced a traumatic loss or are struggling with thoughts of self-worth or any other mental health crisis. While Norris knows she can’t bring Noah back in the flesh, she hopes that he will still be able to make a difference in the lives of others through her willingness to keep his memory alive and share her son with the world.
“I will never be the same, but I just might be OK until I get to see my Noah again in heaven, and I know in my heart he will be there to greet me,” Norris said.
Norris’s contribution to Because They Lived; Memories & Stories of Amazing Kids Lost to Suicide: As Told by the Moms Left Behind Volume 2 is available through Amazon.
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